I am going to get in so much trouble for telling you that.

Anyway - since then our Haiku turnout has been fair-to-middling. We've never had a week where no one sent anything in, because we have kind friends who save us from public humiliation when they can, but we haven't been inundated with weekly entries. Maybe it's because most of our good stuff was sold at our Cocktail Tag Sale and no one wants the crap we have left. Maybe it's because, despite my valiant juggling efforts, I have not managed to get a Haiku up every Sunday morning without fail. Maybe it is simply that the TGHGG was meant to flair and fade, fast and furious, like we all wish Miley Syrus would do. It makes me think that perhaps the TGHGG fan base (always small but loyal) is perhaps a bit Haiku'd out.

How will I know?  I'll ask.  I'll ask you!  What do you think?  Shall I Haiku on until we leave? Or shall I let our TGHGG fade into that good night, like Dylan Thomas never could?  Nor Miley it seems for that matter.

If you think that TGHHG has life left - send in a Haiku. On anything at all. Needless to say - this week there will be no winner. If, in your opinion, it was a terrific idea whose bloom is gone, don't do anything. Standing still is also a decision made.

Here's to pawning off troublesome decisions onto your viewing public...  

Ever curious to see what happens next,

Brenna

Hey sommelier!

My hamburger's almost gone!

Bring me the wine, please!

It's been Grand!  

Voting Time!! This weeks winners were picked based on the pre-requisite that they entered.  This strenuous vetting process narrowed the field considerably. Here they are:

1.) Grateful to indulge

My pension for non-English

Forms of Poetry

2) Bob's right about how

Better looks mean better taste,

But Sausage Burgers Rule.

3)  Hey sommelier!

My hamburger's almost gone!

Bring me the wine, please!

When Bob and I were first together, we went to visit his family in Florida. It was Christmas time, and Bob and his sister Barbara and I made Christmas cookies one afternoon. Not just any cookies of course -- Christmas cookies never are. These cookies were from Bob's mom's shortbread recipe, and are the BEST Christmas cookie ever. Seriously. But I digress...

There we were - all happily icing away, when I realized that Bob and Barbara were staring at my cookies. You see, growing up in my house, when you iced a Christmas cookie you put the icing on the cookie and then you moved on to the next cookie. My mom was not one to dilly-dally. Icing cookies was a thing to do, and then cross off the "I made Merry damnit!" list. Take too long and she would get exasperated and toss the whole thing in the trash. My sister and I iced hard and fast while the clock ticked.  

So my method produced cookies that all had nicely sized smears of icing on them. Bob and Barbara's cookie meanwhile were works of art. They had a method, involving several steps, and ending with little shortbread masterpieces. Mine looked like ugly second cousins.

We all still laugh about that moment. But it did illuminate a major difference between Bob and I. I would call Bob a perfectionist.  Bob might call me haphazard. It's a difference in styles, and both have their strengths and weaknesses. I've learned to delight in Bob's method and meticulousness, especially in the kitchen. Bob loves tools and gadgets that I have absolutely no use for.

And - at last - we come to this weeks haiku giveaway: The Hamburger Press. It ensures that all your hamburgers will all be the exact same size and shape. I personally see no redeeming value in this. Handmade patties look, well, HANDMADE! But then again, I've been known to grab a blank t-shirt and a sharpie, and walk out the door 10 minutes later wearing whatever was on my mind. Bob hates it when I do that, mostly because then we're 10 minutes late. Truthfully he'd rather run out to the garage and screenprint the same shirt for me, making us four hours late. (I'm not kidding, we have a screenprinting rig in the garage!)

The Hamburger Press is a three part plastic gadget, brilliant in it's simplicity, and it does indeed turn out uniform (Bob's add: and tastier because they look GOOD) burger patties. Along with it, we're giving away a cookbook from one of our favorite cookbook authors, James McNair, and it's all about Burgers! In fact, it's called "James McNair's Burgers." Bob loves the Calypso burger on page 44. My favorite is the Spicy Sausage with roasted pepper relish on page 40.

There are days when a homemade burger and a glass of wine are the perfect dinner. Maybe I'll pull out that cookbook one more time before you win it...

 1)  Garage of False Dreams

    Bring forth Ulrica's glass prize

    Daffodils await.

2)  In my crowded home

    I still have space for beauty;

    but not for golf clubs!

3)  Yellow,White,and,Blue.

    An Arrangement of colors,

    To adorn my home.

4)  I love artful glass

    and the bluer the better

    join my collection.

This is a Kosta Boda vase.  It is by Ulrica Hydman-Vallien, who is one of the 8 artists who design their own line for Kosta Boda.  See them all here .  See Ulrica?  She's been designing for Kosta Boda since 1972. She also designs for Ericsson phones and British Airways. She's cool-huh?  All of them look kinda cool in their own way.  Asa Jungnelius looks like a model who also reads Proust.  Anna Ehrner looks like she just came in from hoeing the garden behind her Yurt to finish straining the goats milk for cheese.  Bertil Vallien has salty dog written all over him - until you realize that the cap is a little beret-like, and then suddenly he's professorial.  And of course Ludvig Lofgren listens to Kraftwerk, has a 26 inch waist, and wears very pointy ankle boots.

So this vase is designed by Ulrica.  It has her initials on the bottom.  It's 7.5 inches tall, 3.5 inches at it's widest. I can't find this vase for sale anymore, so it may be retired.  It is bright and charming, and perfect for a bunch of spring daffodils.

I've always wondered...
Do the green ones really work?
Try it on the wife!

Tell your wife we said congratulations too.

 Oh M&M man, so round and so red. 

I pour little candies inside your bald head.

You store them safely behind your weird smirk

Until someone pulls on your hand with a jerk.  

Happiness pours! A beautiful sight!

But only six pieces of chocolate delight.  

Alas, rounded one, you are stingy I fear.  

Nevertheless, I still keep you near.

I do have a question, my strange little man:

Under those gloves,

Have you actual hands? 

He has been in Bob's office for years, bringing small, round, colorful joy to all who pull the hand.  What was that you said? NO - It was M&M's! Geez! Now we know how your bread is buttered!

Haiku #1

The old TV show

A classic for sure, the new?

Unknown to us now. 

Haiku #2

Bruce Wayne is angry!

He and the D.P. are through!

(Professionally.)

Haiku #3

Bale's a perfect fit.

West, Keaton, Clooney, all quit.

Joker Rest in Peace

Na na na na na na na na

Na na na na na na na na

Na na na na na na na na...

BATMAN!!!!!!!!

Well, actually The Dark Knight.  Widescreen Edition DVD, new and unopened, PLUS...a coupon (possibly expired) for a "FREE order of NEW Chocolate Pastry Delights! from Papa Johns.  See inside panel for details." (emphasis not my own)

I haven't "see[n]inside for details" because: 1) I didn't want to peel here sullying the  shrink wrap on the CD, and 2) I didn't want to ruin the hope of our prize winner as to whether they might be getting a free Chocolate Pastry Delight from Papa Johns. Oooh - the suspense is going to kill us all.  We are hoping that the winner of this fine prize will let us know if, in fact, they did get a free Chocolate Pastry Delight from Papa Johns, and if they ate it while they watched The Dark Knight.  If it were up to us we would mandate that they did so, but we will allow the winner a certain amount of autonomy on the matter.  Reluctantly.

Remember:  The winning Haiku will have something to do with the prize, and also will not suck.

Good luck, and remember to include your email address in your entry!

(Insider voting hint/shameless plug: Use the Email Article link below to send to friends and family -- while they're here tell them to take a look around our site.)

Haiku #1

Hope to join the club
The contest drives me to write
Winning with five votes

Haiku #2

The stick can't be beat.
But Where is "Uncertainty"?
Down the Hole Alice!

Haiku #3

Total Consciousness,
On My Deathbed Would Be Nice,
Can't I Have It Now?!

Good Luck

With this week's giveaway we can't offer total consciousness but we do have a really cool golf club that will help you hit like the Dalai Lama.

We think Bill Murray said it best...

So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.

This week we really went to the garage! We found (among other things) a golf club. It's a Tour Edge brand Bazooka JMax 3 Iron/Wood Hybrid. That just ROLLS off the tongue!!! Maybe it's just the golf club you've been looking for. Our estimated shipping is $15.00, which brings it over the "Our Treat" limit, and means that you will pay for shipping. If you find yourself bewildered by any of this - read the Rules and Regulations, as well as FAQ's here.

Remember, your haiku need to be about the prize, and your email need to be included with your haiku. No one can see it but us - we checked.

Good Luck, and Happy Haiku To You!

1.Poor Colonel Mustard,
   Life Sentence For Employing
   Candlesticks Of Glass!!

2. Tiffany crystal
    Too upscale for me, but wait ...
    I still covet them!

3. It's Mrs. Hawker
    In the conservatory
    With Tiffany sticks

4. How I want these so
    To use when I celebrate
    Changing my life’s path

This week we have a rather beguiling giveaway, if we don't say so ourselves -- a pair of crystal candlesticks from Tiffany and Co. They weren't technically in the garage, but they still have to go.

Good for the table on special occasions -- like when Great Aunt Edna comes to visit, bringing trinkets from the Far East. Charming on a bookcase with a hand-drawn love note from your 5 year-old casually propped up on one. Essential when role-playing Clue. (Who knows? Maybe we'll give away a lead pipe and some rope in a future giveaway.) Wonderful beside a sudsy, fragrant bathtub. And very dramatic if used as a weapon when an opossum accidently ends up in your living room one future 3:00 am. "How did I get rid of it? Well, I grabbed my Crystal Tiffany Candlestick!..."

Just think of the ice-breaker these candlesticks will be at the slightly uncomfortable dinner party with your new brother-in-law and his unfortunately placed body piercings. Conversation at a lull as you watch him unsuccessfully wipe the picatta sauce from his lip ring? Bring up your lovely candlesticks, and the unlikely story of how they came to be at your lovely table. Recite the Haiku that you won them with, enthralling your guests with both your Asian poetry prowess and your uber-hep internet skills.

The Crystal Tiffany Candlsticks stand 8 inches tall, have absolutely no chips, cracks, or even smudges at this particular moment, and yes - they are genuine. Frankly, I'm a bit offended that you felt the need to ask!

Remember, post your Haikus in the comments section of this blog, and check back next Sunday to vote for this week's winner, and see next week's prize.  For helpful hints and FAQs, look for the link at the top of the page.

Good luck - and Happy Haiku To You.

• Line 1:  5 syllables    A po-em for fun
• Line 2:  7 syllables    Sev-en-teen syl-la-bles long
• Line 3:  5 syllables    You could win our stuff

 How to Enter

1. Check out what we're offering each week in our weekly Great Haiku Garage Giveaway (heretofore known as GHGG) blog.
   
2. Write a Great Haiku about this something, or why you need this something, or how this something will make your life immeasurably happier.
3. Post your Great Haiku in the Post A Comment section at the bottom of the GHGG blog AND enter your email in the "Author Email" window so that we can contact you if you win (no one else will be able to see your email address.)
4. Check back in to vote for our Great Haiku finalists.
5. Do it all again next week.

More Details / FAQ

Why Haiku? Because limericks have a shady past.

Why are you giving away all of your stuff? Go back to the blog and start again. You obviously haven't been paying attention.

Will you ever give away cash? No.

Who picks the finalists? We do. Until there are just too many entries. Then we'll out-source to Bangalore.

How will I get my prize? We will pay for shipping on anything under $10.00. Some fabulous prizes (and some plain-old crap) will cost more than that to ship. When that is the case we will say so in the post that week, and give an estimate from USPS about how much shipping will cost. You may pay for shipping using PayPal. If you live in the Los Angeles area we can arrange for pick-up. Some items, unfortunately, will be for pick-up only. If you win, and you would like us to, we will donate your item to Helping Hands For The Blind. One more thing: Don't bitch. It's free stuff.

How many times can I enter? How many Haikus have you got in you?

What if I've already won? Congratulations!

How do I vote?  Every week on our blog we will post our finalists, along with a nifty Haiku-Voting-Poll.  You can see instant results as you vote!  You can see instant results change after you call you Mom and make her vote for you!

What if my Haiku isn't exactly in Haiku form?  Then it's not a Haiku.  Boo-hoo for you.

When will the next Giveaway be posted? On Sunday.

When will the finalists be chosen? On Sunday.

When will the winner be announced? On Sunday.